she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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