Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
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God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just pee around me
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I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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