Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
God, I missed his penis.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
