Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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