Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
