I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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