Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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