Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize