My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
