If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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