just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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