By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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