What a fucking waste of an outfit
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
