Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
