What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
