just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
