why didn't you poke me back
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
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I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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