I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize