while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
