I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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