hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
