Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
