I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
