I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
