I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
