the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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