She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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