Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
