please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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