Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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