We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
