What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
