so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
