Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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