I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
