Got a toothbrush?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
