I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
