Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
