just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
