I CAN MOONWALK!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
