they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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