fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
