ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
