I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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