We named our party play list daddy issues
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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