no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
