fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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