can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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