Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
