some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
