ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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