Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
