Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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