Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
