Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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