Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize