Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
