if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
