i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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