is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
