Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
