I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
